Wednesday, June 1, 2011
I'll Take Whales For $800, Alex!
Sometimes I talk about being a strong, fat, beautiful woman in a world of judgment until I'm blue in the face ... I guess we know which kind of whale that makes me. Enjoy this, my lovelies!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Open Letter To A Dillhole (F Bomb Warning)
Warning: Fat Chick Rant Ahead!!!
So mom and I are at lunch and I overhear a guy at the table next to us talking about his love life. He told his lunch companion that he was going to go for a "bigger girl" because they have better personalities than "pretty girls" ... the reason for this being that they "have to work harder to make up for not being as pretty."
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!!!!!
Dear Mr. Moron:
You're right ... I am not pretty. I am fucking GORGEOUS! I am also intelligent, sexy, funny, talented, and pissed off! I didn't acquire my stellar personality as some sort of fucked up natural selection coping mechanism to make me more attractive. And even if it were the case, I wouldn't waste it on a fucktard like you. I do not and have not scraped the bottom of the dating barrel ... EVER! My sense of humor doesn't "make up" for the 60 pounds I put on before my first wedding. My talent doesn't "make up" for the weight I gained from bringing three amazing children into this world. My intelligence doesn't "make up" for the fact that I detest exercise and as a result have curves on my curves. And for the record, my beauty is the exclamation point for all of these qualities, not the other way around.
I am so tired of people like you in this society who think their fucked up, tunnel-vision view of aesthetics is the only one. I don't have to "compete" with pretty girls (which you define as thin). What people like you seem to forget is I'm not after your attention ... not when there are amazingly sexy, talented, and intelligent men like my fiance in the word. I was not his second choice because pretty (skinny) women turned him down. I am his CHOICE ... FULL STOP.
Your lack of self esteem drives you to make such vile statements ... you don't believe you stand a chance with those "pretty" girls. Well let me tell you something Mr. DoucheNugget ... you don't stand a chance with GORGEOUS women either. Best of luck in your search for Miss "I have no feelings of self-worth so I'll take this chuckle dick" ... I'm sure the two of you will be very happy.
Sincerely,
More Woman Than You Could Handle
Friday, August 22, 2008
Seduction
Beauty ... skin deep ... eye of the beholder ... fleeting ... comes from within.
Why do we judge ourselves so harshly? Hairlines, bellies, stature ... who we are is so much more than this. We are beautiful creatures .... capable of love and of thought and of passion. We need to embrace this. Do not judge yourself ... let yourself be ... for who you are is certainly beautiful to someone close to you .. someone who longs to be close to that beauty. In denying yourself, you deny them and all the wonders that two people can experience when they accept that their beauty is not just within ... some inner light that shines despite their outward appearance ... but without ... in every crease, every white hair, every body ... everybody. Stand up today and be the beautiful one you are. Don't let your wonder be stifled by the tastes of another ... enjoy you ... be you. And open your eyes to others. See their eyes sparkle ... the way their mouth seduces you with every word. See them blush and watch the way they carry a pen .. carry themselves and allow yourself to be moved ... to be stirred by the vision you see. 4' tall/7' tall ... we're all the same height in bed. Tipping the scales ... breaking the scales ...forget the scales. Be moved ... be seduced .... allow yourself to feel sexy and wanted ... it is the higest compliment you can pay to yourself and those that worship at the temple that is your imperfectly perfect body. I wish this for all of you today ... so yes put on those shoes ... wear that hat ... take off everything ... and be beautiful ... someone is watching ... and they like it.
Why do we judge ourselves so harshly? Hairlines, bellies, stature ... who we are is so much more than this. We are beautiful creatures .... capable of love and of thought and of passion. We need to embrace this. Do not judge yourself ... let yourself be ... for who you are is certainly beautiful to someone close to you .. someone who longs to be close to that beauty. In denying yourself, you deny them and all the wonders that two people can experience when they accept that their beauty is not just within ... some inner light that shines despite their outward appearance ... but without ... in every crease, every white hair, every body ... everybody. Stand up today and be the beautiful one you are. Don't let your wonder be stifled by the tastes of another ... enjoy you ... be you. And open your eyes to others. See their eyes sparkle ... the way their mouth seduces you with every word. See them blush and watch the way they carry a pen .. carry themselves and allow yourself to be moved ... to be stirred by the vision you see. 4' tall/7' tall ... we're all the same height in bed. Tipping the scales ... breaking the scales ...forget the scales. Be moved ... be seduced .... allow yourself to feel sexy and wanted ... it is the higest compliment you can pay to yourself and those that worship at the temple that is your imperfectly perfect body. I wish this for all of you today ... so yes put on those shoes ... wear that hat ... take off everything ... and be beautiful ... someone is watching ... and they like it.
RT April 23, 2008
Doctor, Is Online Porn Causing my Headaches?
So my doctor suggested that I become a vegetarian … because I'm fat. That's right. Meat is the bane of my flabby existence. I had it coming though. I asked him about weight loss surgery. This isn't the first time I've thought about it. I have been researching and considering it for at least four years. With my last doctor and insurance company I had reached the level of surgery consultation. But the employer who provides my health insurance, in its infinite wisdom, chose to play the "find the cheapest insurance" game and we had to switch. So, it was back to the drawing board. For those of you who aren't rotund, it might be difficult to understand how hard it was to even bring this up with my physician. So, I will try to create an analogy. Imagine you have to ask your doctor if the amount of time you spend online looking at porn and subsequent self-love sessions are adversely affecting your health. Now, you may have a cool doctor who, without batting an eye, says "of course not. So long as you are maintaining the proper ergonomic position at your computer. You need to be careful that you don't develop carpal tunnel regardless of whether you are actually using the keyboard." But, if the world were full of those kind of doctors we would have no worries. In reality, the world is full of doctors, who immediately give you the "you spend how much time looking at porn?!" face and tell you that, while the hairy palm thing is an old wive's tale, you should spend more time outdoors involved in sports activities. Yeah - tell that to a 15 year old boy with a computer in his room and a lock on his door.
And that, my friends, is what it is like to discuss obesity in a doctor's office. "Are you sure you don't want to give dieting a try?" As if countless failed New Year's resolutions, failed stints in Weight Watchers and a general feeling of low self worth are the results of whims that I never took seriously. "Losing weight is simply a matter of taking in less calories than you use." Simply …. that's a loaded term. As if the millions of overweight people in America choose to live a more difficult life. Because being fat and not being able to find inexpensive clothing that fits, not being able to use the lap belt on an airplane, having your kids teased at school because their mom is fat is simple. I wish I could find a fat doctor. Maybe then I could count on them to have enough guilt about their weight (as most of us do) to not be brazen enough to tell me it's as easy as cutting calories.
Because it isn't. I have to fight 31 years of bad habits, genetics, shame, and fear of failure. And I have to fight anger. Anger at a world that sees weight loss surgery as a cop out. Angry at a world that feels "oh so sad" for people who suffer from eating disorders that leave them skin and bones, but look at fat people and shake their heads, while muttering to themselves, "they need to just stop eating." Right. Fat people need to just stop eating and all Karen Carpenter had to do was keep her finger out of her throat. It's never that simple. And it certainly isn't fair to promote that belief. Carpenter gets sappy made for tv movies and Mama Cass gets "choking on a sandwich" jokes. Weight loss surgery is a tool. Something to be used in conjunction with a change in lifestyle. Something to help make up for the fact that I know people who eat twice as much as me and never gain a pound. Something to help get the weight off of my joints quicker so that exercise feels like it is helping … not hurting my body.
By the way … online porn is fine. If you notice any symptoms like fatigue, headaches, or shakiness it means you probably haven't eaten in a few hours and you forgot your glasses.
And that, my friends, is what it is like to discuss obesity in a doctor's office. "Are you sure you don't want to give dieting a try?" As if countless failed New Year's resolutions, failed stints in Weight Watchers and a general feeling of low self worth are the results of whims that I never took seriously. "Losing weight is simply a matter of taking in less calories than you use." Simply …. that's a loaded term. As if the millions of overweight people in America choose to live a more difficult life. Because being fat and not being able to find inexpensive clothing that fits, not being able to use the lap belt on an airplane, having your kids teased at school because their mom is fat is simple. I wish I could find a fat doctor. Maybe then I could count on them to have enough guilt about their weight (as most of us do) to not be brazen enough to tell me it's as easy as cutting calories.
Because it isn't. I have to fight 31 years of bad habits, genetics, shame, and fear of failure. And I have to fight anger. Anger at a world that sees weight loss surgery as a cop out. Angry at a world that feels "oh so sad" for people who suffer from eating disorders that leave them skin and bones, but look at fat people and shake their heads, while muttering to themselves, "they need to just stop eating." Right. Fat people need to just stop eating and all Karen Carpenter had to do was keep her finger out of her throat. It's never that simple. And it certainly isn't fair to promote that belief. Carpenter gets sappy made for tv movies and Mama Cass gets "choking on a sandwich" jokes. Weight loss surgery is a tool. Something to be used in conjunction with a change in lifestyle. Something to help make up for the fact that I know people who eat twice as much as me and never gain a pound. Something to help get the weight off of my joints quicker so that exercise feels like it is helping … not hurting my body.
By the way … online porn is fine. If you notice any symptoms like fatigue, headaches, or shakiness it means you probably haven't eaten in a few hours and you forgot your glasses.
Weighty Words of Wit and Wisdom
This blog comes as a culmination of conversations I have had over the last few weeks. Our subject? Big women and the men who love them. I once blogged about all of the myspace messages I get from men who might be referred to as "fatty chasers." I think my blog came across as a little too judgemental. Maybe it's the feminist in me. I grew up feeling that I shouldn't be placed in a special category because I am a woman. I guess some how that translated into not wanting to be in a special category according to my body size. I figured that if someone thought I was hot, it should be because I (as a whole package - brains, wit, attitude, body) am hot and in the same league with skinny chicks. I think I associated "chub lovers" with something pathological. Perhaps it was a confidence or power thing. "I need to feel like the one who holds all the cards ... I'll date a fat chick ... she'll never leave me .... who else will want her?" It's kind of in line with the same irrational thinking in which homophobic men think that all gay men want them. Like gay men, we zaftig ladies have tastes and preferences and are not so limited in our choices that we will scrape the bottom of the barrel for a hook-up. Maybe I viewed these guys as a little insecure, in that if they had confidence issues it would be much easier to approach a fat chick based on the faulty information above. Then there is the third category: the freak. You know the guy that has a bizarre fetish/obsessive personality that is waaaaay into fat chicks but could just have easily ended up waaaaaay into sheep (no offense Monkey).
I had this view questioned by a couple of people (and rightly so). "Can't guys just like big women?" "Personally, I like women with a little 'junk in their trunk.'" "It's not the same," I respond, "There is a big difference between a little junk in the trunk and junk that is also in the cup holders and under the hood and in the back seat, etc etc." I'm talking about big women ... women like me. And BAM - just like that I had placed myself in a category. It was a category I had decided was outside of the norm and therefore teetering on fetish. But the thing is, it's not so out of the norm. There are lots of big gals out there. Chunky chicks with boyfriends, girlfriends, and spouses. Now maybe some of these women are like me - they put on their weight after they got with their partner and so in their partner's eyes they aways remain beautiful and sexy. But not all. And there are people that love them and find them sexy for their complete package. Now here comes my assessment and advice ....
Men (and ladies) if you think a big woman is hot ... tell her ... and mean it. If you pass by her in the supermarket or on campus or at the water cooler, smile ... big and obvious. Compliment her on her outfit. If your feeling bold, compliment her on her shape or her sexiness. I know there are lots of you out there but you only seem to make yourselves known in places that take serious search egine skills to find and ... let's face is sometimes they can seem downright seedy or fetish-like (i.e. bbw groups, chatrooms, websites). It's time for those of you who like 'em large and in charge (or just for those of you who don't see it as an inhibiting issue) to make yourself known. And another thing - for you guys that don't think you could ever date a fat chick - be a little more like Outkast and try a "no discrimination here squirrel" policy - you'll be doing yourself a favor. I'm not sure exactly why, but the big women I know tend to be extra creative.
I had this view questioned by a couple of people (and rightly so). "Can't guys just like big women?" "Personally, I like women with a little 'junk in their trunk.'" "It's not the same," I respond, "There is a big difference between a little junk in the trunk and junk that is also in the cup holders and under the hood and in the back seat, etc etc." I'm talking about big women ... women like me. And BAM - just like that I had placed myself in a category. It was a category I had decided was outside of the norm and therefore teetering on fetish. But the thing is, it's not so out of the norm. There are lots of big gals out there. Chunky chicks with boyfriends, girlfriends, and spouses. Now maybe some of these women are like me - they put on their weight after they got with their partner and so in their partner's eyes they aways remain beautiful and sexy. But not all. And there are people that love them and find them sexy for their complete package. Now here comes my assessment and advice ....
Men (and ladies) if you think a big woman is hot ... tell her ... and mean it. If you pass by her in the supermarket or on campus or at the water cooler, smile ... big and obvious. Compliment her on her outfit. If your feeling bold, compliment her on her shape or her sexiness. I know there are lots of you out there but you only seem to make yourselves known in places that take serious search egine skills to find and ... let's face is sometimes they can seem downright seedy or fetish-like (i.e. bbw groups, chatrooms, websites). It's time for those of you who like 'em large and in charge (or just for those of you who don't see it as an inhibiting issue) to make yourself known. And another thing - for you guys that don't think you could ever date a fat chick - be a little more like Outkast and try a "no discrimination here squirrel" policy - you'll be doing yourself a favor. I'm not sure exactly why, but the big women I know tend to be extra creative.
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